ROLLER DERBY!

I have a brand new sport to love.

This weekend I witnessed my very first live Roller Derby match. As it turns out, it was their “Inaugural Brawl” at their new home- Dorton Arena at the NC Fairgrounds. There was a big crowd on hand, the hometown ‘ladies’ won by absolutely destroying their opponents, and I got a free ticket!

I must give props to William and Austin. They are two of my friends who invited me to go. They are a couple and decidedly “in the know” about these events. I had no clue it was going on- so much thanks to them.

Also of note, this is flat-track derby. Not the same as the velodrome derby of yesteryear. Flat track offers some advantages: easier to knock opponents out of bounds due to physics, can set up a track anywhere, cheaper. Disadvantages: a bit slower.

The free ticket I scored was actually a comp. As I was waiting in line with W&A, a guy walks past asking if anyone needed a ticket. Nobody was saying anything to him so I say, “What- like for free??” And he says, “You said the magic words,” and he just hands it to me.

So after saving the $12 fee, I splurged and got a Carolina Rollergirl t-shirt. I plan on wearing it proudly on Thursday this week.

The Inaugural Brawl featured the All-Star team from Carolina and a team from Las Vegas- the Neander Dolls.

Yes- the best features of Roller Derby are the puns. Some of the names of the Carolina girls are as follows: Violet Femme, Betty Rumble, Eva Lye, Kama Suture, Shirley Temper, and Penelope Bruz.

Going in, I had no knowledge of the scoring system, the penalties, etc. I was a complete novice, but after a mere 5 minutes of watching (approximately two jams worth) I had the thing down. After that, I was an ardent fan; yelling insults, screaming for our jammers, calling the refs every name in the book for missing fouls and giving bad out of bounds calls.

Too bad there was a family with 5 year old children directly in front of me. But I didn’t feel that badly once I saw the little girl (in her Ohio State Cheerleading uniform) giving a lapdance to her brother. I am NOT kidding about this.

That’s the other good part about roller derby. It seems to bring an interesting cross section of humanity together. Or at the very least, an interesting cross section of a SUBSET of humanity.

Its kind of the same crowd you’d see at, say, a demolition derby, a monster truck rally, a state fair, or an amusement park. In other words, college kids and white trash.

Completely fun!

P.S. I’m going to Cedar Pointe amusement park this coming weekend…