I Do Not Want What I Haven’t Fucked

As many of you know, I’m a Grade-A “hornbag”.

Yes, my head is turned by good looking men on an hourly basis.  Hell, even a minutely basis depending on where I am and what I’m doing.

It’s rare that I can’t find at least SOME feature in a guy that I admire/desire/require.  He has nice eyes.  That guy’s ass looks great in those cargo pants.  That one has a great Roman nose.  Ooo, look at the guns on THAT one.  You get the idea.

This has led some folks out there to question my hornbaggedness by saying “Cb– who wouldn’t you fuck?”

And if I’m honest with my hornbaggy self, the list of “wouldn’t fucks” is fairly short indeed.

But it DOES exist, I tell you.  And I’ll prove it!

Here’s a short list of famous people that we all know that I wouldn’t even fuck with Rush Limbaugh’s dick (if he has one):

#1–  Steve Buscemi

I’m sorry, but this is one fucking ugly man.  There is absolutely nothing I find attractive about him, not even his acting.  Even if he had a 9 inch penis I’d still say hellz NO!

#2–  Jack Black

If you have ever read my blog before, you know of my abject hatred of all things Jack Black.  I utterly loathe this man.  I hate him.  I hate his crappy acting.  I hate his band Tenacious D with every fiber of my being.  I deliberately avoid movies that Mr. Black does (even voice work like in Fuck Yu Panda).  Besides, he’s obviously a bottom.

#3  Benicio Del Toro

Ew.  Just… ew.  His voice completely grates on me like fingernails on a chalkboard.  And his face looks like it caught fire and someone pissed it out.

#4–  Nick Nolte

I’ve had sex with guys who have been less than attractive before.  And I’ve had sex with guys who have turned out to be crazy before.  But ugly AND crazy… just say no.

#5–  Randy Quaid

Oh, Mr. Quaid,  how did your brother turn out so hot and you so… not?  You look like Ernest Hemmingway… after a bear mauling.

#6–  Mickey Rourke

You know, there was a time (after 9 1/2 Weeks) that I thought it would be hot to be blindfolded and have you tease me with food and then do the dirty on the kitchen floor… but no longer.   All that boxing has not done you any favours.  Plus you got weird.

#7–  Nicolas Cage

Perhaps some of you are taken aback by this choice.  But I can assure you that I have NEVER found Mr. Cage attractive.  I hated him ever since that abortion of a movie “Raising Arizona”.  Uggh.  I can’t stand him.  And that voice!  Get that thing fixed already!

#8–  Will Ferrell

The fucker just annoys the hell out of me now.

#9– Tommy Wiseau

Mr. Wiseau is a recent addition to my list, ever since Mr. Stewart over at This. That. No Other. pointed him out the other day.  Not only is he fairly hideous, he has also managed to write, direct, and star in what is widely heralded as the worst movie ever made.  Not even the chance for a pity fuck for Mr. Wiseau.

#10– Gary Busey

I just edited my post to add Gary here.  How could I have forgotten him?  You know, I hear they used to put peanut butter on his gums to make it look like he was talking…

So there’s my short list for today.  There are many more, but this just is there to prove that I do have standards, even if they are poor ones.

Any people you’d like to add to the list?