Things That Get My Goat for $200 Please, Alex
July 1, 2009Oh gosh, there are so many things really. Things that piss me off to varying degrees. Here’s just a short list:
- check writers at grocery stores
- shoppers who don’t return their carts
- people who take more than 1 goddamn minute at an ATM
- drivers who ignore lane merge signs
- the whole “credit score” scam
- Obama bashing
- cold weather in July
- PDA (unless it involves fucking)
- shitty Hollywood films that make $$$
- uber Christians
- uber Republicans
- uber Christian Republicans
- political hypocracy
- politicians in general
- mouthy hip hop artists who just need to shut the fuck up
- perez Hilton
- bad smell face gays
- trucks with rear window murals
- Toby Keith music with fireworks
- garrison Keillor
- mimes
- clowns
- people who talk or text during movies
- Bluetooth headset loudtalkers
- bathroom cellphone chatters
- excessively loud motorcycles
Oh, I’m sure I could go on and on. But what about you guys?
Anything to add??
Stupid people.
One pump humps.
Escalators that don’t work.
People who teach their children how to count by using rush hour subway steps as objects to be counted.
whew, so long as I don’t see “Idle Eyes” on that list, I’m good…and agree with all of them.
*people who don’t signal their turn until the last possible second.
*pedestrians who cross where/when they’re not supposed to
*anonymous posts
*people who complain for the sake of complaining
*insurance companies that hold out when you really need them
*city dwellers who keep goats
the first on the list makes me nearly ballistic…get a debit card damn it!
* fat people who take the elevator to go up or down one flight
* couples who walk hand n hand and take up the entire hallway blocking a path for those of us in a freakin hurry
* assholes who scream out, “get in the whole” at gold tournaments.
* people that start speaking to you when they can see you are on the phone.
* rude people, stupid people, fat girls in belly shirts
* Obama-worshipers, Nancy Pelosi and Rush Limbaugh
* Slow drivers, people who don’t know where the hell they are going and stop at every road to read the sign and the people with turn signals let on.
-people who curse for the sake of cursing
-wiggers
-kids who wear:
-hats sideways
-visors backwards AND upside down
-need to friggin’ pull up their pants!!!
-smokers with no respect (and that’s not everyone)
-People (mostly women) who’ve been standing waiting for the bus for minutes, rush in front of you to get on, THEN go digging in their purse for the bus pass.
-people who ride the escalator at an el stop. (and no.. sometimes there are no stairs)
You don’t like it when your Palm Tungsten doesn’t fuck?
*I hate bicyclists who chastise motorists for not acknowledging them, but then do not follow the rules of the road.
*the Beach Boys
*appointment windows (“sometime between 8a-3p”)
*Bill O’Reilly
*reality TV
OK, don’t take this wrong, but one of my peeves: “hypocracy” (vs hypocrisy).
I’m with you on the check writers in supermarkets. Some supermarkets got smart – you just sign the check and hand it over. It’s printed with the amount and shown to you then scanned for immediate draft.
What really irks me, and related to your ATM complaint is people who can’t seem to figure out the ATM/Debit terminals in supermarkets.
I was behind a guy one day that took a full five minutes for him to figure out how to swipe the card.
-Adults who ride scooters
-Passive aggressive behavior (I prefer openly aggressive)
-Dell customer service
-Anyone rude to a waiter
-People crying in the street over Michael Jackson’s death
Whiny bloggers. Oh snap!
-people who stand on the escalator
-people who don’t swipe their debit cards until their groceries have been completely rung up, then they act like it’s their first time ever using the machine!
-aggressive drivers
-executives of your company who think they’re hot shit when they’re not
That’s all I gots to say.
-an unanswered telephone/cellphone
- old people coughing
- Billy Mays (glad he’s dead)
- Jimmy Fallon (because he’s so fucking unfunny)
- The dog next door. I live in a double (not double-wide) and it has separation anxiety. It barks at everything when it’s alone.
How can Garrison Keillor piss anyone off?
-poor spelling
-people who sigh if I want to write a fucking check, news flash, YOU AREN’T THAT IMPORTANT! CHILL!
-people you hookup with then later when you see them don’t say hi.
-excessively loud motorcycles or cars
-slow drivers
-people who can’t use the fucking cruise control to at least maintain a constant speed!
-the fact that if I am suddenly not cutting myself in the street for gay marriage I am not true to my gayness.
-a culture that makes me feel old and moderately obsolete at 25
-people that look at me fucked up when i say I want to be a housewife (I am a man, BFD)
- Michael Jackson music at every turn
- and having to haul my ass to work on a sunny thursday
- people who take a spongebath in the sink in the men’s room at work
- people who seem unable to get all of their pee into the urinal
- people who rush onto the train without letting people off first
- people who start eating their food when they’re waiting in line to pay for it
- untalented people who think they’re talented
- constant throat clearers or snifflers
* people who text or check their phone every minute during dinner
* businesses who list their hours of operation but don’t abide by them
* people who step into the street without looking
* parents who are oblivious to their hellion kids
- bigots
- homophobes
- zenophobes
- jingoists
- racists
- arrogant people (yes, your shit DOES stink, TYVM!)
- crass consumerism
- intolerant people
- greedy bastards
- obnoxious people
- children
- companies that test products on animals
- People who search for the correct change with a line of other customers behind them
- Check writers in supermarkets (NEWS FLASH!!: 1975 called! It wants its method of payment back.)
- Wiggers – WTF???
- Girls on cell phones on public transportation
- Somali youths harassing gay guys after Pride in Minneapolis
- Neanderthal Fort Worth cops and their lying bullshit excuses
- White Sox fans and their Sox Parade/Cubs Parade T-shirts
- Troglodyte Republican Congressthings and the people who vote for them
The old geezer across the street who insists on mowing his lawn at 8:30 AM Sunday morning – EVERY Sunday morning.
Teenage mothers trying to get on the bus during morning rush-hour with their SUV sized strollers. Teenage girls wearing belly shirts, too low jeans and flab hanging out all over the place.
Holier-than-thou Gay/Lesbian parents who’ve adopted the hetero-normative attitude.
Muscle-heads at the gym who leave their sweat all over the equipment.
People who can’t make up their mind at McDonald’s.
Parents who have gay children but sign a petition to ban gay marriage through a referendum.
Self-hating closeted Mo’s that sign a petition to ban gay marriage through a referendum.
Quiet cummers.
Anyone in the investment banking industry.
Congresswhores who’ll sell their vote to the highest corporate bidder.
Anyone who watches O’Reilly/Hannity/Beck or Faux News.
- Toby Keith Music without fireworks
- Toby Keith
- women who wear Daisy Dukes and a tube top, eye raping me with their partially exposed gunt
- People who do the whole fist-bump thing
- Obama’s throwing of crumbs in an attempt to keep his promise for equal rights for homosexuals but holding back so that he doesn’t piss off the straight people that really count
- Kathy Lee Gifford
- People on welfare who buy nothing but fucking candy bars, soda, and frozen pizza on my dime
And I could go on…
EEK you would hate me. I rarely use turn signals when driving, do most of my banking at the ATM, and i texted in the movie the other night. Also I mowed my front and back lawns at 9am on Saturday morning. Also i yelled at third base for dropping my perfect throw on Sunday and he’s my boyfriend. I am a dick.
Jack