Paris update: numero deux

Bonjour mes braves!

This keyboard thing still sux yet I’m going to try another update.

Damn have i seen a fucking LOT!  Total Paris overload.  I’m going to do a list of the things I’ve seen so far:

• the louvre
• the musee d’orsay
• the rodin museum and gardens
• the tuilleries
• the luxembourg gardins
• the sorbonne
• the place de la concorde
• notre dame
• saint Chapelle cathedral
• the Isle st: Louis
• the pompidou center
• the cemetary where Debussy, Faure, and Manet reside
• the eiffel tower
• the trocadero

And the list goes on and on!  I’m not even mentioning the day in Brussels where Steve and I adopted a lost American for the day and saw the Atomium, the comic book museum, and the mannequin piss!

Three words that best describe the trip so far:  crazy, awesome, exhausting.

A bientot!  (Aw, lookit me bein all frenchie!)

Bonjour!

Hey folks, I’m in Paris!

I arrived just fine, and everything is going spectacularly!  Already I’ve done so much more than I had ever imagined.

Of course I’m also quite exhausted by all my running around and rather late nights.  Today is a light day of seeing the Louvre and maybe one or two other things.

I’m keeping this brief, as I’m typing this on a French keyboard and it is quite infuriating-  its a “azerty” keyboard.  Who knew?  Anyzay it’s totally fucked up.

A bientot mes braves!

Today, on a special episode of Li’l Bastard…

I’m soon off to Paris, bitches!! I’ll try to blog occasionally, but there won’t be any LBC next Friday.

Enjoy these and remember to caption!

Damn you Tater– you BASTARD!

Again, some fantastic entries this week!

2nd Runner Up was Jim with his delightful comment about the Rihanna beauty mark.

1st runner up was Erik with his slam on what Alice was sporting.

But once again, damn it, it was Tater who swooped in with a beautifully brief caption that hit the burning dinner, her outfit, and native American culture!

Bravo!

“Gay” is the Old “Black”

Gay is EVERYWHERE these days!

It’s in positively all the magazines and turning up on all the runways.

Gay rights this. Gay marriage that. Gay characters in tv and movies. People cliché-ing “I’m not homophobic; some of my best friends are gay.”

Christ! You can’t swing a dead, gay cat without hitting something homo!

I’m afraid it’s getting to be a bit much.

In fact, I think the pendulum is starting to swing back the other way now, and gays are going to feel some backlash.

“Red” is coming back, baby.

The first victim? That poor, pudgy, gay American Idol boy.

Poor Adam. He was simply too gay to represent America as an “Idol”. Homosexual idols simply have no place in the entertainment industry.

Maybe in England they do, but not in America, bub.

Let’s face it. There was no way Adam was going to win– not when there was a perfectly decent, straight, Southern, Christian boy to vote for.

The show isn’t on Bravo, you know.

Remember, the people that vote for Idol contestants are the same folks that think NASCAR is a sport.

The voting demographic also includes preteen girls with who text Idol more times than they have pubic hair.

Also voting are schlumpy, lonely, disenfranchised housewives.

Remember Clay “Gai”ken? Sure, he lost to a fat, black, sweat factory with zero career potential. But he had legions of “claymates”– 40 year old women who believed him when he said he wasn’t gay…

…And then dropped him like a hot gay potato when the story broke about him barebacking some marine in a north Carolina motel.

Fool me once, shame on you. Fool… fool me a second time, and um… ummm… Won’t get fooled again!

Adam didn’t stand a chance.

But look on the bright side. Now he has the freedom to become the sexually ambiguous, lead screamer of a glam-goth-punk band called “Dead Puppies”.

And I hear glam-goth-punk is the new “gay”.

T-minus 2 Days…

Well, it’s nearly upon me. My great Paris adventure.

I’m excited and nervous and giddy with anticipation! And I want it to be Friday already so I can be on my way.

Hell, I want it to be Saturday so I will already be there!

I’m nearly ready to go. My list of things to see is plotted and planned. My guidebook is dog-eared. My laundry is done and my packing begun.

I’m not at “Paris weight” but it’ll have to do, pig. It’ll do.

I’ve also started whitening my teeth. I have cut my hair. Purchased all my host gifts. Xeroxed all my important documents.

I’ve gotten the international calling and 100 text plan all sorted for my phone. Along with adding music and video for entertainment on the plane.

And I’ve arranged caretaking for Phoebe while I’m gone. Replete with printed instructions. And a folder of information.

Of course because the weather is still springlike (i.e. cool and rainy), I have been thrown into a small “clothing crisis”. But I’ll manage, even with my one small suitcase mantra.

Anyway- wish me good trip karma please. I don’t want to get sick again over there and miss out!

The Fear

I have this fear that I’m going to die one of those New York deaths where nobody notices I’m missing until the smell drifts into the apartment building hallway.

Why am I bringing this up?

Yesterday, a coworker of mine was found lile this.

He isn’t dead– yet. But he is on the hospital in critical condition. Prognosis: not excellent.

He’s an older guy, palsied, who has been with the company for over 30 years. He worked in our quality lab.

This guy is Mr. Dependable. Always here. Always on time. A very conscientious worker.

Well, on Monday he fails to show up to work. And he hasn’t called in.

Soon the police were dispatched to his place where they found him on the floor, unconscious. Maybe from a seisure or a stroke. Or a massive heart attack. Nobody knows.

And nobody knows exactly how long he’d been that way. He could have been lying there incapacitated all weekend.

I feel so sorry for him and I really want him to recover. He’s a nice guy and I worked with him nearly every day.

But right now I also hate him just a little bit.

I hate him for reminding me that this kind of thing can and does happen.

And also for reminding me that I’m all alone too, and will probably suffer the same ignoble fate at some point.

How frightening it must have been for him! To be so helpless and alone.

I’m so very sad and afraid for him today.

And for me.

A Tail of Two Dates

This weekend I was fortunate to have two (yeah, count ‘em bitches) TWO dates.

Although one was a “date” date and the other was a date.

Saturday afternoon was the “date” date. A very nice and handsome guy from Rochester was in the cities and he stopped over for a visit.

He arrived at 3 pm and “arrived” sometime close to 5 pm. And let me just say for the record that cb was plum wore OUT when all was said and done.

Rode hard and put up wet, even.

And let’s also say for the record that Mr. Rochester provided a real challenge- nearly professional level.

In cheeky leetspeak, I was very “gr-8-ful”. And more! (You do the, erm… math)

So, after such a fulfilling (ahem) Saturday, I was more than content to rest on my thoroughly abused laurels.

Little did I realize that I would score a second date for the weekend.

On Sunday, I went for a bikeride around noon as it was gorgeous outside. During the ride I was texted by David from the gym…

…Wanting to know if I might like to go biking.

I said sure, and rode my bike home so I could meet him.

After my solitary 2 hour ride, I had a brief 30 minute respite before David and I went riding.

For 3 more hours.

Yeah. I spent 5 hours biking around yesterday. Which also means I spent 5 hours on a bike seat. Attached to an old mountain bike with absolutely no suspension components.

The bikeride was great, though, and so was the conversation. I rode some trails I’d never been on, we had fun while getting tons of exercise and fresh air.

Of course I’m no closer to figuring out David’s motivation. I think he may just want to be friends. Which I cool.

But for being ‘just friends’, damn is my ass SORE today!

I was planning to walk at lunch today, just to work out some of the kinks. But I’m fearful i may look as if I’m straddling a split rail fence!

Li’l Bastard Comix (sunshine and farts edition)

Here you go. Y’all know what to do with the last one.

Hope your weekend is enjoyable, memorable, and unaffected by the recent murders in your location.

Whos a Gnomey Little Bastard??

I just KNEW the pervy dennis/ mr Wilson cartoon would get some good captions.

First runner up goes to Erik for the “Aristocrats” reference. Obscure and funny.

But this week I opted for Tony’s comment (sorry add-mmm, he beat you to the punch).

Given the relative positions and expressions, I found this caption to be perfect: